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Like most New Zealanders we experienced the range of emotions as we progressed through March and into April. There was fear of the virus and the unknown, uncertainty about operating safely, and sadness for those families who had someone die at such a difficult time. We had to adapt very quickly and work out new ways of operating. The normal patterns were upended, and we needed to give guidance and support in ways previously unknown. There was very much a sense of loss and disconnect in the community. We learnt how to run simulcast funerals with an on-line audience and remote tributes coming in using multiple platforms. We recorded unaccompanied committals so that families could at least have some comfort in knowing their loved one was farewelled with respect and dignity. When Jacinda announced the move to Level 1, we were delighted. How wonderful it felt to be safe and to hug each other again. And we relearnt something that we already knew – that all the technology in the world cannot replace basic human connection and support. When someone we love dies, the need to be together, to support and to mourn, to touch and to hug is such a powerful human instinct. I read an article recently by a grief educator who talked about the power of touch and how when we are touched in comforting ways, our brains are flooded with feel-good hormones. Conversely ‘touch starvation’ can add to depression and anxiety and complicated grieving. The gathering together and the rituals of a funeral help with acceptance. As we have touched base with the lockdown families, we have had conversations about the best way to re-connect and remember. While borders remain closed, technology will continue to play an important role in funerals and memorial gatherings, but we have definitely noticed a new appreciation for the chance to all be together in the same place at the same time. The song lyric “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” is so very true.

The first Christmas after you have lost someone you love can be particularly hard. Here are some ideas that may help you get through

You may have noticed that the Gillions building is listed for sale in the commercial pages of the Otago Daily Times this week. We want to reassure everyone that although the building is for sale, the business is most definitely not. There will be no changes to our service, people or facilities. The building was originally sold out of the family in 2008, before Keith and Elizabeth took over the company and our current landlord has decided it is time to move on. We have a very long lease so will be here for the long term. Although many New Zealand funeral companies are now Australian owned, we remain locally owned and operated and are committed to supporting local businesses and our community.

How to help children when their pet dies Children can feel the loss of a pet very deeply. Their pets are members of their family, their playmates and companions. Your child may look to their pet for comfort and companionship especially in cases where they have no siblings. To a young child, it feels like their pet will be there forever. When their beloved pet dies, it is a huge loss – often the first experience of loss they will have had. They may experience the range of emotions from grief, anger, loneliness and maybe even guilt. How can you help them through this? Firstly, remember that it is normal and necessary to grieve and to acknowledge the depth of the loss. It is not helpful to say it was only a “cat” or a “dog” and we can get another one. Your approach will be slightly different depending on the age of the child, but it is important to be honest about the pet’s death. If the pet is old and their health deteriorating, consider talking to them before the death happens. If you have to euthanise your pet, you could explain that this is the kindest way to take the pet’s pain away and the vet has done all they can. Reassure them that their pet will die peacefully without pain or fear. Explain what happened and include the child in making decisions about the pet’s cremation or burial. Give them opportunities to talk about their feelings but if they don’t want to talk at the moment then that’s ok too. You could talk about the pets you had when you were young and how much they meant to you. Have a little ceremony and offer the child a chance to talk about what their pet meant to them. Perhaps they could include a special drawing or card in with their pet. Scrapbooking and photos of their pet can create important memories to look back on. They will never forget the place their pet held in their heart.

Sunday 17 November 2019 at 2pm - in our chapel 407 Hillside Road, South Dunedin Saying goodbye is the hardest part of having an animal in your life. At Gillions, we love our pets and we, too, have experienced their loss. When talking with our team it got us thinking about how loss and grief for our pets is not widely acknowledged in the New Zealand context. This led to the idea of hosting a pet memorial service here in our chapel. We hope it will provide an opportunity for pet lovers to come together for a special ceremony to remember our animal friends. We will have a local celebrant, live music, a photoshow and a chance for all to participate. The highlight of the service will be the photoshow where you will be able to see a photo of your loved pet up on the screen. All photos received by 10 November will be entered in a prize draw – the winner of the draw will have the photo crafted into a detailed pencil impression by Dunedin artist, Tania Willis. Light refreshments will be available after the service so those attending can share their memories in our reception lounge. Pet lovers know that their pet is not just a “cat” or a dog” – it is a family member. When that beloved pet dies, the loss felt is truly significant. What can make it even harder is that society often denies you an opportunity to express your grief and to mourn. Sometimes people try to help by saying “it’s just an animal” or “you can get another one”. When you are feeling the loss intensely this can add to your sadness. Your emotions may swing between sadness, confusion, guilt and emptiness. Each family member may feel the loss differently and need to grieve in their own way. The relationship with a pet is often the most meaningful relationship an older person has after they have lost their life partner. When that pet then dies, this may trigger old grief losses and we have all witnessed how painful this is for the families we care for. In our experience it helps to talk about your loss and to share precious memories. We hope that we can help by providing this opportunity for our community. For those that would like to come to the service, please let us know by 10 November by registering on the Gillions the community page or phoning us on 03 455 2128 during business hours. Photos can be uploaded to the website, emailed or we can scan them for you at our office (please phone first to schedule a time). Please help us support the S.P.C.A by your gold coin donation at the service.

When someone we love dies, especially if they have been ill for a long time, we are often exhausted, shocked and drained. Grief can surprise us with its strength, and we can be overwhelmed by it’s physical nature. Trying to plan and organise details that we would normally find easy can feel like an impossible burden. Grief can make us forgetful and confused. This is where Gillions come in. When you choose the Gillions team to care for your loved one’s arrangements, it means you are choosing experience, commitment and professionalism and those things really count. It also means that we can look after all the arrangements for you so that you can focus on spending precious time with your family in the days before the funeral. What do we actually do? We organise the transfer and care of your loved one, meet with you as often as you need us to, offer viewing if required, arrange all the medical documentation and cremation or burial arrangements, the casket selection, contact a celebrant and musician if required, design and print service sheets, scan and digitise photos, arrange music and photo tributes, organise catering, flowers, newspaper notices, the structure of the service, registering the death, bereavement support, manage genealogy enquiries and organise monumental work. We also arrange payment of all these components so that when you receive your funeral account, you only have one invoice to pay rather than many.

We’re locally owned and operated, have trained, qualified, registered and experienced staff, a great building with reconfigured spaces, top-class technology, traditional, contemporary and unique farewell options, eco- friendly options, affordable package options, and a range of caskets, urns and keepsakes. Ask us about our bereavement support, professional memberships, local partnerships, community support and our Gold Card discount. If you are thinking about pre-planning or pre-payment, this is the time to contact us. We have free planning packs available and can talk you through the steps for organising a pre-payment plan. Because we are members of the FDANZ Funeral Trust, funds (up to $10,000) put into a pre-paid funeral are exempt from asset testing for residential care. If you are looking for a speaker at your next event, give us a call – we are experienced at presenting to groups and answering your questions. We are not the biggest company around, but we think our team is just the right size to provide the level of personal support that our community appreciates.

Grief doesn’t stop when the funeral is over… Over many years of supporting grieving people through the loss of a loved one, we have noticed several recurring themes. The first is the realisation that grieving is a very personal process and it is more than just sadness. Emotions can swing wildly between shock, anger, numbness, depression, guilt, confusion and regret. People are often surprised at how physical grief can be. Exhaustion, shivering, loss of appetite, weight loss, insomnia, and chest pain are a few of the physical effects you may experience. The second is that people feel guilty when they haven’t “moved on” within a prescribed period of time. I’ve had many a cup of tea with a grieving person (often the bereaved husband or wife after a long and happy marriage). They tell me that they don’t want to bother their family or friends any more, so they pretend that they are coping when the reality is, they are struggling every day. Thirdly, in the last couple of years we have noticed an increase in requests for support from some family members when there has not been any sort of farewell for their loved one. Often the decisions were made very quickly following a death, while they were in a shocked state, and then feelings of regret may follow. So, what can we do to help? Our experience has shown us that the first anniversary and Christmas without your loved one can be especially sad. In December each year, Gillions holds a special candle lighting remembrance service for those who have lost loved ones in the previous year. We are always available for a gentle chat, we can send you grief support information, or loan you a book from our library. We have also recently partnered with the Grief Centre, to provide complimentary bereavement support for up to a year after the funeral. The listening ear of an experienced support worker, as well as information and resources on loss and grief for all ages, is being warmly received by the families we care for. If you would like to find out more about the services we provide, phone us on 03 4552128, pop into our offices in Hillside Road or check out our website www.gillions.co.nz.

When we think about the really big events in our life - whether it be the birth of a baby, marriage or the death of a family member – it is usual to have some sort of ceremony. Sometimes this is very simple and for close family only, other times it can be a large public event. For thousands of years funerals have helped us say goodbye, acknowledge the reality of loss, and to honour and remember the person who has died. Funerals surround us with the loving care of family and friends at a time when we may be shocked, grieving, confused and really need that extra support. A beautiful funeral can be a reflection of a life well lived but sometimes we need to remind ourselves that tears and sadness are ok as well. A funeral can be whatever you choose – there are many different ways to say goodbye to the person you love. A simple farewell, a memorial gathering, a private service or a public funeral are all examples of the range of options available these days. Families often ask us if they can do something special such as provide flowers from their garden, drive to the crematorium in a special vehicle, decorate the casket or farewell their loved one at their home or a significant venue. Our answer is that we will do our best to make it happen. At Gillions we will listen to you, respect your choices and help you craft a farewell that meets your needs and your budget.