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Finding Community at a Funeral

June 13, 2024

Just recently, I attended the funeral of my Brother-in-law in the North Island. He died very suddenly at the young age of 64. It came as a huge shock to the whole family.


Sitting and talking to my sister while I was there, she said she wasn’t going to have a funeral, but because he died so suddenly, she felt that she needed closure for herself as well as their three children and

grandchild.


They sat together and as a family decided they would have a service, thinking that probably no more than 50 people would attend. At the service, it was standing room only. Over 200 people came from all over the country, and 30 devices were logged in to the live stream to pay their respects.


Think about it. We have a baby shower and occasionally a gender reveal party for a child who isn’t born. We celebrate milestone birthdays ( my dad’s 90th is next month ), but when someone dies, over the past few years, there has been a change to where we tend not to celebrate or acknowledge the mark

someone has had on our lives as often.


When my mum passed, people that we had not seen for 20+ years came, even my friends from primary school attended. In the end, my sister is so pleased that they decided to celebrate this wonderful man’s life, and the legacy he will leave behind. His children and grandchildren will have something to remember him by and know he was loved not just by them, but many more.


By: Kelly Thompson

March 18, 2025
If you have been keeping up with the news lately you may have noticed several distressing stories about a lack of care demonstrated by some funeral directors when being contracted by bereaved families after the loss of their loved one. There is no government regulatory authority for funeral directors in New Zealand but all funeral directors must comply with legal requirements around care of the deceased as specified in the Burials and Cremations Act. In addition, there are requirements for fair pricing and contracts under the Fair Trading Act, as well as obligations that apply under the Consumer Guarantees Act. We are members of the Funeral Directors Association so adhere to the ethics and standards that are part of our membership. We know that transparency of pricing is important along with ensuring that the options chosen work with families’ budgets. We regularly provide detailed pricing estimates along with information to help with farewell planning. Our many years of experience have also shown us that it is important to be looking at the ‘big picture’ when choosing a service provider. When you engage Gillions to look after arrangements for your loved one you will have the comfort and assurance that they will be well looked after from the time we transfer them to our care until the time we take them to the crematorium or cemetery. Our care for you continues beyond this time as we know that grief does not have a time limit.
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We’re often asked whether children should be involved after a family member's death, and if so, how? While you know your children best, our general advice is to include them as much as possible. Children will take cues from the adults around them, so if you're open and honest, they will likely follow suit. Answer their questions directly but avoid unnecessary details unless they're asked. Their inquiries will be shaped by their age and previous experiences, such as the death of a pet. Children under 7 may not fully understand that death is permanent, universal, and involves the body stopping completely. They may ask more literal questions, like "Who will Nan play with in heaven?" or "Who will take me to the park?"
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In some cultures, being around the deceased is a natural part of life, but in Western culture, we’ve moved away from this. At Gillions, we believe in supporting families to be as involved as they wish in caring for their loved one after they’ve passed. This may include helping to dress them, spending time with them, or bringing them home before the funeral. While it’s natural to feel unsure about this, we often hear from families that the experience was deeply meaningful. Dressing a loved one can feel like a final act of love, especially if you helped care for them before they passed. We encourage children to be part of this process too.
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Grief is a deeply personal journey, influenced by past experiences and the circumstances of loss. When a death is sudden, for instance, grief can feel more complex and harder to navigate than when the death was expected. While many find their own path through grief, others may require additional support 
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It is not just children who are deeply affected by the loss of a pet.  Grief is a price we pay for love.

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Lets get talking
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