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Finding Community at a Funeral

June 13, 2024

Just recently, I attended the funeral of my Brother-in-law in the North Island. He died very suddenly at the young age of 64. It came as a huge shock to the whole family.


Sitting and talking to my sister while I was there, she said she wasn’t going to have a funeral, but because he died so suddenly, she felt that she needed closure for herself as well as their three children and

grandchild.


They sat together and as a family decided they would have a service, thinking that probably no more than 50 people would attend. At the service, it was standing room only. Over 200 people came from all over the country, and 30 devices were logged in to the live stream to pay their respects.


Think about it. We have a baby shower and occasionally a gender reveal party for a child who isn’t born. We celebrate milestone birthdays ( my dad’s 90th is next month ), but when someone dies, over the past few years, there has been a change to where we tend not to celebrate or acknowledge the mark

someone has had on our lives as often.


When my mum passed, people that we had not seen for 20+ years came, even my friends from primary school attended. In the end, my sister is so pleased that they decided to celebrate this wonderful man’s life, and the legacy he will leave behind. His children and grandchildren will have something to remember him by and know he was loved not just by them, but many more.


By: Kelly Thompson

New Years Reflections

By Office • February 19, 2025
Writing down my wishes

Victorian Funeral Customs

By Keith Gillions • October 15, 2024
How Victorians Mourned

Pets grieve too

By Office • October 13, 2024
Because pets can't speak their grief often manifests in behavioural changes

The hard conversation - Euthanasia of a pet

By Office • September 21, 2024
Making the decision to euthanise a pet is never easy

Should children be involved

By Office • September 18, 2024
We’re often asked whether children should be involved after a family member's death, and if so, how? While you know your children best, our general advice is to include them as much as possible. Children will take cues from the adults around them, so if you're open and honest, they will likely follow suit. Answer their questions directly but avoid unnecessary details unless they're asked. Their inquiries will be shaped by their age and previous experiences, such as the death of a pet. Children under 7 may not fully understand that death is permanent, universal, and involves the body stopping completely. They may ask more literal questions, like "Who will Nan play with in heaven?" or "Who will take me to the park?"

Viewing the deceased

By Office • September 18, 2024
In some cultures, being around the deceased is a natural part of life, but in Western culture, we’ve moved away from this. At Gillions, we believe in supporting families to be as involved as they wish in caring for their loved one after they’ve passed. This may include helping to dress them, spending time with them, or bringing them home before the funeral. While it’s natural to feel unsure about this, we often hear from families that the experience was deeply meaningful. Dressing a loved one can feel like a final act of love, especially if you helped care for them before they passed. We encourage children to be part of this process too.

Grief

By Office • September 18, 2024
Grief is a deeply personal journey, influenced by past experiences and the circumstances of loss. When a death is sudden, for instance, grief can feel more complex and harder to navigate than when the death was expected. While many find their own path through grief, others may require additional support 

Navigating grief after a pet dies

By Office • September 14, 2024
It is not just children who are deeply affected by the loss of a pet.  Grief is a price we pay for love.

By Office • September 8, 2024
Lets get talking

2024 Pet Memorial

By Office • September 1, 2024
I still remember the heartache of putting our beautiful girl, Keira, to sleep after 15 years with us. We had a deep bond. She travelled with us overseas and to different cities. Her demise was very sudden and came as such a shock. Pets provide unconditional love, happiness, and joy. When that is taken away, there is a void left in their place. They are a loved member of the family. Some may not understand the depth of your grief, but for you, it is real. At Gillions, we have all lost pets. The grieving process cannot be forced or hurried; for some, it can be measured in years. Reaching out to others who have lost pets can help ease the grieving process. Since 2019, we have held an annual pet memorial—a funeral for your pet. We include the elements of a traditional funeral: a musician, celebrant, a slideshow of all the loved pets, a memorial tree, and light refreshments afterwards. Our next pet memorial will be held on Sunday, October 6th, at 2 pm in the Gillions Chapel. Please send your photos to pets@gillions.co.nz by September 30th. If you are unable to attend in person, we will live-stream the service.  "Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way." - Franz Kafka (1883-1924)
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