Grief

How Victorians Mourned

Because pets can't speak their grief often manifests in behavioural changes

Making the decision to euthanise a pet is never easy

We’re often asked whether children should be involved after a family member's death, and if so, how? While you know your children best, our general advice is to include them as much as possible. Children will take cues from the adults around them, so if you're open and honest, they will likely follow suit. Answer their questions directly but avoid unnecessary details unless they're asked. Their inquiries will be shaped by their age and previous experiences, such as the death of a pet. Children under 7 may not fully understand that death is permanent, universal, and involves the body stopping completely. They may ask more literal questions, like "Who will Nan play with in heaven?" or "Who will take me to the park?"

In some cultures, being around the deceased is a natural part of life, but in Western culture, we’ve moved away from this. At Gillions, we believe in supporting families to be as involved as they wish in caring for their loved one after they’ve passed. This may include helping to dress them, spending time with them, or bringing them home before the funeral. While it’s natural to feel unsure about this, we often hear from families that the experience was deeply meaningful. Dressing a loved one can feel like a final act of love, especially if you helped care for them before they passed. We encourage children to be part of this process too.

It is not just children who are deeply affected by the loss of a pet.  Grief is a price we pay for love.

Lets get talking

I still remember the heartache of putting our beautiful girl, Keira, to sleep after 15 years with us. We had a deep bond. She travelled with us overseas and to different cities. Her demise was very sudden and came as such a shock. Pets provide unconditional love, happiness, and joy. When that is taken away, there is a void left in their place. They are a loved member of the family. Some may not understand the depth of your grief, but for you, it is real. At Gillions, we have all lost pets. The grieving process cannot be forced or hurried; for some, it can be measured in years. Reaching out to others who have lost pets can help ease the grieving process. Since 2019, we have held an annual pet memorial—a funeral for your pet. We include the elements of a traditional funeral: a musician, celebrant, a slideshow of all the loved pets, a memorial tree, and light refreshments afterwards. Our next pet memorial will be held on Sunday, October 6th, at 2 pm in the Gillions Chapel. Please send your photos to pets@gillions.co.nz by September 30th. If you are unable to attend in person, we will live-stream the service.  "Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way." - Franz Kafka (1883-1924)

Once your pet passes, there are a few things to consider