We’re often asked whether children should be involved after a family member's death, and if so, how? While you know your children best, our general advice is to include them as much as possible. Children will take cues from the adults around them, so if you're open and honest, they will likely follow suit.
Answer their questions directly but avoid unnecessary details unless they're asked. Their inquiries will be shaped by their age and previous experiences, such as the death of a pet. Children under 7 may not fully understand that death is permanent, universal, and involves the body stopping completely. They may ask more literal questions, like "Who will Nan play with in heaven?" or "Who will take me to the park?"
As they grow, their understanding of death will evolve, so it’s important to revisit the topic. Be honest, using clear and age-appropriate language. For instance, avoid saying someone "went to sleep," as this could cause fear. If you're comfortable, allowing them to see or touch the deceased can help, as their imagination may be scarier than reality.
Children can also participate in the funeral, whether by reading poems, handing out service sheets, lighting candles, or helping with flowers during the committal.
The following are wonderful resources for helping bereaved children.