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What is a funeral in 2022

November 1, 2022

A common definition is that a funeral is a ceremony or service held shortly after a persons death, usually including the persons burial or cremation.


As New Zealanders, we have our own unique approach to funerals, tangihanga and farewell gatherings.  They can be small and intimate or large public events to farewell community identities.  This diversity in structure reflects the changing dynamics in our society and has accelerated profoundly since the first lockdown in 2020.


20 years ago, when I first started working here, many funerals had some religious components - usually a prayer and readings.  The services of an organist were often required so the mourners could sing a hymn or two.  Funerals were personalised with service sheets and music, but they followed a fairly standard structure.


Although these elements are still import to many people, secular services have become more common over the years.  These are usually led by a celebrant or family member rather than a minister, pastor or priest, and the format is flexible, although most will have some committal words at the end.


The other significant difference has been the rise of technology components.  Over the last couple of years, there were periods when live streaming and online services were all that we could provide families.


As we have moved back to less restricted times, we have noticed more requests for something a bit different with an emphasis on value and simplicity.  An intimate farewell, memorial service, graveside ceremony, or farewell at home all fit the bill.  We are lucky to have several options for different options for different spaces in our building and, because we are licenced to serve food (with an "A" grade rating), we can offer a variety of catering options as well.

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Should children be involved

By Office • September 18, 2024
We’re often asked whether children should be involved after a family member's death, and if so, how? While you know your children best, our general advice is to include them as much as possible. Children will take cues from the adults around them, so if you're open and honest, they will likely follow suit. Answer their questions directly but avoid unnecessary details unless they're asked. Their inquiries will be shaped by their age and previous experiences, such as the death of a pet. Children under 7 may not fully understand that death is permanent, universal, and involves the body stopping completely. They may ask more literal questions, like "Who will Nan play with in heaven?" or "Who will take me to the park?"

Viewing the deceased

By Office • September 18, 2024
In some cultures, being around the deceased is a natural part of life, but in Western culture, we’ve moved away from this. At Gillions, we believe in supporting families to be as involved as they wish in caring for their loved one after they’ve passed. This may include helping to dress them, spending time with them, or bringing them home before the funeral. While it’s natural to feel unsure about this, we often hear from families that the experience was deeply meaningful. Dressing a loved one can feel like a final act of love, especially if you helped care for them before they passed. We encourage children to be part of this process too.

Grief

By Office • September 18, 2024
Grief is a deeply personal journey, influenced by past experiences and the circumstances of loss. When a death is sudden, for instance, grief can feel more complex and harder to navigate than when the death was expected. While many find their own path through grief, others may require additional support 

Navigating grief after a pet dies

By Office • September 14, 2024
It is not just children who are deeply affected by the loss of a pet.  Grief is a price we pay for love.

By Office • September 8, 2024
Lets get talking

2024 Pet Memorial

By Office • September 1, 2024
I still remember the heartache of putting our beautiful girl, Keira, to sleep after 15 years with us. We had a deep bond. She travelled with us overseas and to different cities. Her demise was very sudden and came as such a shock. Pets provide unconditional love, happiness, and joy. When that is taken away, there is a void left in their place. They are a loved member of the family. Some may not understand the depth of your grief, but for you, it is real. At Gillions, we have all lost pets. The grieving process cannot be forced or hurried; for some, it can be measured in years. Reaching out to others who have lost pets can help ease the grieving process. Since 2019, we have held an annual pet memorial—a funeral for your pet. We include the elements of a traditional funeral: a musician, celebrant, a slideshow of all the loved pets, a memorial tree, and light refreshments afterwards. Our next pet memorial will be held on Sunday, October 6th, at 2 pm in the Gillions Chapel. Please send your photos to pets@gillions.co.nz by September 30th. If you are unable to attend in person, we will live-stream the service.  "Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way." - Franz Kafka (1883-1924)
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