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Grieving at Christmas

December 1, 2023

If Christmas has always been a time of family, tradition and togetherness for you, then the first Christmas after you have lost someone you love can be particularly hard.


In 2023, Christmas will be a time of tears, memories and sadness for my family, as we lost a very important person in our lives just a few weeks ago – my mother Catherine. There will be laughter too as we remember her jokes and quirky stories.


She loved Christmas and was always at the centre of our family gatherings. Our plans for the day will be changing but we don’t quite know how that will look yet. We are still trying to grasp that she is gone. We do know that she wont be here to make her famous meringues – a symbol of the many losses we are slowly adjusting to.


For us personally, we can be grateful that she reached the age of 84 years and we were able to have some wonderful family time when we travelled earlier this year.


When I look at the list of ideas below, from a position of personal and very new grief, all of them seem to speak to us.


  • Downsize your expectations and set priorities. Remember this will not be the perfect day and be gentle with yourself.
  • Change a tradition even if it is just for this year. Maybe have dinner somewhere else and have a more relaxed menu. Sometimes we need a space and a place removed from the everyday reminders.
  • Talk to your family about how you are feeling and ask for suggestions and help.
  • If there are children in the wider family, ask for their ideas and suggestions.
  • If you usually run around at the last-minute buying gifts, think about doing it differently this year – maybe gift vouchers, or online shopping.
  • Don’t be afraid to mention your loved ones' names and share memories. Think about how you can honour them at this time. One idea is to like a special candle at the Christmas table. Another is to raise a toast and place a special decoration on the tree in their memory.


If it seems all too overwhelming and exhausting, give yourself permission to step back for this year. There will be other Christmases.

Elizabeth Goodyear


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